Concerns & Challenges

WHAT EXACTLY IS MIDLIFE?

Strictly speaking, midlife should be just that, the midpoint in your life. By that definition, given that most of us can expect to live to the late 70s and beyond, this point is at 40 years old.

Norman Corwin, writer and director, then 82, quoted in "The Ageless Spirit" (1992) says:

"I remember now that the toughest birthday I ever faced was my fortieth. It was a big symbol, because it said goodbye, goodbye, goodbye to youth. But I think that when one has passed through that age it's like breaking the sound barrier."

Ask 40-year olds today, however, if they are in mid-life, and most of them will tell you they are too young and too busy to think about such things.

There comes a time, sometime between 40 and 50, however, when the notice of a physical change, an illness, or other unavoidable signs that we are getting older, bumps us right up to the awareness that we are middle aged, and that we have a finite amount of time left ahead of us.

"The agenda for the second half of our lives varies greatly from the first... I am convinced that the second half of human lives is a profound opportunity for transformation. It is a chance to live by new rules and catch a second and deeper wind." (Mark Gerzon -- "The Midlife Quest," 1989)

THE CHANGING FACE OF MIDLIFE:

"Midlife is no longer about winding down. It has evolved into a phase of maintaining health, preventing and detecting stuff that can kill us, and managing whatever problems we do have." (Fortune Magazine, Jan. 2002)

The longer life gets, the harder it is to pinpoint where mid-life begins and ends. Ultimately it is not about being a certain age, as it is being at a stage in one's development with physical and emotional components.

RELATIONSHIPS IN MIDLIFE:

Typically men and women cross paths in mid-life. Men become more nurturing and family oriented, women become more independent and assertive.

Ideally this crossing can be very satisfying for men and women and bring them closer together. In reality the transition is often rocky, as it requires both to accept and to accommodate the partner's "otherness." Aggravating factors are that men and women in midlife have to wrestle with adjusting to their changing bodies, as well as declining libido. For men this is brought on by declining sexual performance, for women by the onset of menopause.

When couples can work through this difficult time period together and weather the transition with their relationship stronger, then can look forward to a comfortable and fulfilling togetherness in the second half of their lives.

WHAT SURVEYS TELL US ABOUT MID-LIFE:

A Newsweek poll from the fall of 2001 about the process of aging today and based on interviews with 801 adults between 45 and 65, indicated that the majority of people in this age group are positive about their physical appearance, their overall health, their sex-life, and even the way they manage stress. The challenges that people most often identified were:

1. Trouble maintaining healthy habits:

• Not getting enough exercise (48%)
• Giving up cigarettes or tobacco (21%)
• Limiting sweets (38%)
• Cutting down on meat and other fatty foods (32%)
• Eating enough fruit and vegetables (31%)
• Restricting sodium intake (22%)

• Financial worries (52%)
• Job and career pressure (44%)
• Health problems of spouse or partner (43%)
• Health problems of parents or older family members (41%)
• Not enough time for self (36%)
• Conflict with spouse (30%)
• Conflict with children (28%)

One of the many findings they reported was the identification of six components of well-being in mid-life:

• Feeing good about yourself and your life
• Maintaining meaningful goals and objectives
• Being able to manage the complex demands of daily life
• Feeing a sense of personal growth
• Having caring and trusting ties with others
• Following one's convictions

Today age is just a number, not a label.