What does the phrase "midlife" really mean to a man?
I've pondered this question as hard as I can
As have those who are smarter than I am, by far
Is it that time of life when you want a new car?
And not just a Chevy, a Buick or Ford
But one that no rational man can afford?

Or have you ignited some marital strife
With a view to replacing your humdrum first wife
With that blonde at the office, who looks up to you so?
Is it "In With The New," and "The Old's Gotta Go"?
Perhaps your thoughts constantly turn to the raunchy
To keep you from facing the fact that you're paunchy

Or is it that time of your life when you think
That your life's passed you by, just as quick as a wink
You never accomplished your dreams. "What a fool!
"Now I'll sit here and rock, and occasionally drool."
Your finances keep you enslaved every day
You've made the wrong choices for your 401(k)

Midlife isn't determined by what is external
It's inside your mind everything is infernal
"Why am I on earth? Is this all there is to it?
"My life has been wasted. I know it and rue it."
Such sad thoughts are gloomy, sad, and quizzical
They open the door to doubts that are physical

"My friends say that my life will be happy, and long
"They don't know by half what's gone physically wrong
"My thyroid's gone bonkers, makes my heart fibrillate
"And the doc says I've now got a giant prostate
"The hair that was thick on my head now is thinning
"Exercise is a game I don't seem to be winning"

Complaints such as these, the doubts and the fears
Are but loosely related to the number of years
That have passed since your birth. Midlife could be that time
(Whenever it happens) that men like to whine
About how life once promised to be really nifty
(An expression used only by men over fifty)

Come to think of it, though, a new interpretation
Might show that midlife deserves real celebration
All the stuff that you've suffered, life's knocks, and her bruises
Gives a man some perspective for the path he now chooses
Because while you draw breath, you've a life you can live
That's (believe me) lots better than the alternative

If on gloomy terrain you're stuck, and are poaching
Get back on the high ground. Some good midlife coaching
For guys like us, who are known to be brainy
Helps the sun to come out; it stops being rainy
Statistically speaking, we're here for a while
Might as well have some fun, and live life with a smile

The question I raised at the start of this verse
Isn't fully explained, but it could have been worse
If you've got some thoughts that you'd like to distribute
Don't hesitate longer, jump in and contribute
(Midlife has affected my memory, too
If I could remember, I'd tell it to you)

© by William A. Schaffer